I'm So on Board

Dish *HATES* flying with children. On planes, they think the world revolves around them. 35K up in the air is the only time I feel Gameboys, duct tape, corks and pacifiers are most useful. Ivana Trump was escorted off her plane for cursing out children and calling them "little f*ckers." While this shows a flagrant lack of manners and that she is, in fact, no lady, I can sympathize.

Dish is watching My Life in Ruins, a waste of electricity. Nia has done three super-crappy movies in a row. She needs to mix it up and do an ensemble drama. With Julia, I suggest the opposite--romantic comedies, less witty serious stuff because Dish doesn't care! Julia + Nancy Myers = Instant Hit.

Hannah

TG and I were slugs today--talked about going to see It's Complicated or A Single Man and wound up seeing Hannah and Her Sisters (reached consensus on how ugly Michael Caine is--but did not admit I find him sexy). I didn't get caught up on gossip and figure I'm still honeymooning. Did read that perhaps Charlie Sheen's wife might have a drinking problem and caused his jailing. They belong together! I want more mugshots. Thank god small children are involved.

A Christmas Miracle

Charlie Sheen proved to me that Santa Claus still exists. After partaking in Heidi Fleiss's escort services, a tumultuous marriage and various addictions, Charlie settled down once and for all, had two more kids with his new wife--the waves had stopped rocking the boat. But, thank god, he was just arrested today for domestic violence. I'd thought Charlie the Bad Boy had died. He's back and naughtier than ever! Poor Charlie. The holidays stress Dish out too and who could blame me for smacking someone I love? Really, Charlie should be celebrated for holding out this long. Merry mugshot, sh*tbag.

(but I do love him as an actor)

It's Complicated

I can't wait to see the above movie. The idea of Meryl Streep as the hot tootsie gives me goosebumps. Add to that, she gets to sleep with men her age, if not younger. It's true that relationships are complicated. As I write this, TG is shaking the walls with his snoring. One of the first things he asked me, "Do you snore? Because I really can't stand that." He makes up for the epic cacophony by accompanying me to the deli for brown sugar and preparing a feast for me yet again.

Merry Almost Christmas, Dish Readers.

The Sixth Sign of the Apocalypse

Nuke Lalooche and Dammit Janet are no more. It's funny, I saw them on separate occasions within a few weeks of each other. Maybe I did get a single vibe from them since they illegibly broke up over the summer. It's the end of an era, and she is the original cougar of the 1985-2009 age. I'm interested to see whom they date next but I'll lose respect for Robbins if he goes out with a young tootsie. He's had the best. I'm not sure what to think about anything anymore. They were my touchstone, my lighthouse, my tiramisu during my female times. I'm holding onto the walls for support.

Happy Holidays

Dish enjoys her entertainment news but lately the stomach is turning over nauseating male hosts. And they keep changing. Mario Lopez can stay on Extra since he's done serious time in the biz (and we like seeing him shirtless). Really, I don't hate men but I prefer Mary Hart, Lara Spencer and Nancy O'Dell as my star-news-delivery system. After 13 years, Nancy is leaving and it's rumored she can't stand Billy Bush (hee hee) anymore. The Insider's Chris Jacobs's style is too slick and affected, as if he's hanging on his every word. I won't deny he's cute as a button and maybe someone will coach him. I feel the same regurgitation urges with Billy Bush (hee hee) and am surprised he's survived this long. I won't start on Ryan Seacrest. Bottom line: I find myself turning to CNN, which is sad.

Update: TG is out with TGbrother and I'm covertly eating junk food. TG is into healthy eating and exercise. What's up with that?

Cheri = Ambien

While TG went uptown to schmooze, Dish watched Cheri, that flick starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Rupert Friend (who's banging Keira Knightley), and the incomparable Kathy Bates. Talk about a snoozefest, I nearly fell asleep in my latte. I always like the idea of Michelle Pfeiffer but didn't buy her as a French whore. Kathy Bates is another story as she can do anything. Why does Kathy take on stinky movies like this? The love between Rupert and Michelle was so dreary and sad-cougarish, I thank my lucky stars I wasn't a prostitute in early 20th century France. Unless you enjoy falling asleep to unromantic movies with bad acting, skip this one.

In celeb news: that talented Carrie Underwood--who seems to have always had love troubles--got engaged to a hockey player. I give it two years. To sing country, you must know heartache. And to marry a sportsfigure, you must be brain damaged.

Stop the Madness!

I guess it was too good to be true that celebs would stop dying, but Brittany Murphy? We loved her as the fat, gawky girl in Clueless and then as the beaten-down girlfriend in Sin City. She'd been fired recently from a movie under fishy circumstances (with an even fishier husband) and now her mother finds her dead in the shower in full cardiac arrest at age 32? I wonder if drugs were involved....

Blessings on her coming and going.

TG is making Dish dinner.

A Break

TG is doing is crunches on the new exercise mat we bought so I have a little time to tell you about my Duran Duran dream from last night. I was invited to a party because Duran Duran wanted to say they appreciated the cartoon drawings I did of them twenty years ago. Of course, the party was crowded. One of the guests, a Duran assistant, said they'd laughed until they cried at my drawings and the band had always wanted to thank me. How nice. As I walked around, I saw Roger Taylor but he was surrounded.

How's that for wish fulfillment dream? I did a 50-page term paper on them but no drawings. Who am I kidding? Of course, I drew pictures of them.

Dish is in BLISSLAND!

Home Stretch!

Four more hours. At 9:30, Dishbrother is taking time out of his opening doors for stars at Starbucks by taking me to JFK. Dishmama and I just had a mani/pedi. Thanks, Dishfamily and Dishfriends for your support! While beautifying, I'm watching The Lake House (thanks, Nici!). Here, a depressed and potentially Botoxed Sandra Bullock falls for a depressed blue-collar Keanu Reeves (he looks amazing in work boots). What keeps them apart? Time. They write long meaningful letters--no Skype in time warp--and get through the long two-year wait to merge souls. At the end, they run at each other and make out in a yellow field of dead grass. It's so close to what I'm going through I could die.

Well, anything starring Keanu and Sandy is fun for Dish.

Happy Belated Birthday To Jon Tenney!

With my romantic drama unfolding, I forgot to wish Jon Tenney a Happy Late Forties Birthday--it was yesterday. He's so close to 50, it's hard for me even to mention this fact, BUT I WILL! Jon Tenney is closer to 50 than Dishbrother. Dish wishes Jon a healthy and happy year of Almost Fifty with many years of career success, which benefits everyone. (secretly wish we get to see real bed scene between him and Sally Field)

En Route

According to Flighttracker, TG is flying from the land of Lederhosen to the home of Duran Duran. He is 1/2 hour in the air. Last night, we had our last Skype session--a little sad but exciting. "See you in the flesh," he said.

Dish is surprisingly calm, wearing a sportscoat, straightened hair, eating properly. No wheezing yet.

Comfort Television

TG and I are both flipping out and breathing into paper bags. I got three Netflix DVDs:

Star Trek, Cheri (Michelle Pfeiffer and Kathy Bates play French whores) and The Love Boat: Season 2.

Guess which one TG considers his comfort TV? We are two hearts beating as one (aside: conjoined twins freak me out). Yes, in 25 hours, I will be headed to JFK. Will we be over our hissy fits by then? Sorry, Dish readers, but the gossip seems so meaningless right now. I am the star of my own movie today and tomorrow.

48 Hours--Not the Movie

On Thursday, Dish will be sitting on a bench in JFK waiting for TG to get through customs with all his possessions. Apartment is ready. Nerves under control. Work done ahead of time. I'm properly beautified to face the greatest love story of our time.

I'm ready to continue in person what has been an old-fashioned courtship. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sh*tting bricks. I'm so excited and happy. Wish Dish luck.

(If it's a disaster, Morgan Freeman in Nurse Betty would tell me to "Forget the guys. You've got yourself.")